Imagined own-brand confectionery design meeting, Friday 4.35pm, Morrisons HQ

CONFECTIONERY DEVELOPMENT MANAGER: Right guys, let’s get through this, I’ve got a make-or-break trip to Gdansk tonight and I’ve got like three Lastminute.com tabs open. So, here we go, a nice easy one. It’s an own-brand Snickers, yeah? Just make it look like they’re going fast and do a great big trophy or medal or something. Done.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER: I… what?

MARKETING REP: Yes, what it is, is they used to be called – well, it was about 20 years ago now, but I suppose some people do think of them as –

CONFECTIONERY DEVELOPMENT MANAGER: Look, it’s done! Medal! Zooming! Okay. 

GRAPHIC DESIGNER:



CONFECTIONERY DEVELOPMENT MANAGER:
Right, Penguins. Who cares, no one’s eaten a Penguin since 1992. What else could suggest ‘penguin’ in the mind of the consumer? Make them think ‘Shit, it’s a cheap Penguin!’?

MARKETING REP: Ice? Snowflakes?

GRAPHIC DESIGNER: What about some Arctic animals, like bears and stuff?

CONFECTIONERY DEVELOPMENT MANAGER: Wait! I’ve got it:



EVERYONE ELSE:
Wow. 

CONFECTIONERY DEVELOPMENT MANAGER: Mars bars. So, it’s a spacey vibe, Mars, stars, astroglide, whatever:



GRAPHIC DESIGNER:
I guess?

CONFECTIONERY DEVELOPMENT MANAGER: Twix. I’m really stuck on this one, let’s word associate.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER: Twin? Double? 

MARKETING REP: Duo?

CONFECTIONERY DEVELOPMENT MANAGER: What do I even pay you idiots for? It’s FINE, Daddy’s got it. As always:


Now everyone get home and get some damn sleep. I need you fresh on Monday to think of new breakfast cereal names. Fucking board said no to ‘Special J’.

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